Liverpool V Newcastle | Player Ratings

Written by:

Share the love

Thought I’d do something slightly different today as it’s Christmas. Going to rank players on Christmas items instead of numbers. Feel free to join in, open to suggestions!


Let’s have some fun!

Alisson – Roast Potatoes

A solid foundation to any dish is fucking spuds. I don’t care if thats triple cooked chips, smiley faces or waffles, they are the wet dream of the dish. In this case it’s roast spuds, always a winner, a safe bet and nothing to worry about.


Had nothing to do, his distribution was phenomenal though.


Trent – Pigs in Blankets

Everyone’s go to. The favourite and the one you just can’t get enough of. Being a local lad you just can’t help but root for him and want more!

Good to see him back, decent delivery and coped well with Richie particularly well in the first half.


Lovren – The Nan

The lovable rogue, often annoying and has a tendency to flash too much once they’ve had a drink.  Pulled it right out the bag today though, as if she’s bought you a decent present, instead of socks she’s pulled out a Playstation.

Beautiful finish, worth it to see Mo’s reaction! Defensively solid too. Missus obviously bought him shooting boot for Christmas.


Van Dijk – The Turkey

King dick, the main event, the big hunk of meat that brings the family together. The first thing you think of when you think of Christmas.

He’s just boss isn’t he, he doesn’t need more words.


Robertson – Lynx Africa

This isn’t a slight on Robertson, a Lynx gift set is a solid present. It’s consistent and you know exactly what you are getting.

Copy and paste yet again. His Missus is about to drop and he’s put this club first. Fucking hero.


Henderson – Sprouts

It’s sprouts isn’t it. Some people hate him, some people like him. They could remind you of farts or you might like them with chestnuts and bacon, it’s all opinion.

Never gets the credit he deserves. Kept possession well and dictated the pace at times. Not everyone’s first choice but played well today.

Gini – Honey Roast Parsnips

Part of your five a day, good for you and good for your soul. Drowned in sugar to keep you sweet, just like his smile.

In all seriousness he was decent against Diame today! Stuck to his strengths, protected the ball and stayed calm in possession.


Shaqiri – The Nephew

And I mean young nephew, in the region of 4-10, often found off his tits on smarties and other E numbers. Pestering every family member, never stops running and looking to create mayhem!

Loves the press, loves working hard and thoroughly deserved his goal! Another decent performance, another Jurgen bargain!


Salah – Millenium Falcon

Or whatever the one present you wanted you never got, Tracy Island, a Mr Frosty, ‘The one Christmas wonder’ if you will.


Except we all know he’s not a one season fucking wonder! Took his pen well and got an assist for Fabinho!



Mane – The Cheese Board


The highlight of many peoples Christmas, always offering different options, not afraid to mix things up and has cracker – see what I did – of a shot.

Could have and should have scored again today, gets himself in the right places or creates space for others as always.


Firmino – Gravy

Of course he’s the gravy, he’s everywhere, on and off the ball he holds this team together.


Even looked tired today at times but still put in a decent performance. Frustrating to watch sometimes but you always know he’s working his socks off, he’s just fucked! Taken off with 20 left so should be well rested for Arsenal.


Open to suggestions on the subs;


Clyne – 6

Fabinho – 7.5

Studge – 6


🍻 Pre and Post Match Shows 

FREE month trial:

Spread the love
Supporter's Section

With over 30 shows a month

we cover every aspect of Liverpool FC, past present & future.

Now is the time to subscribe.

Previews, reactions, analysis, interviews

and more through the ups & the downs!

Join Redmen TV Plus Today

Subscribe Today Or
| Website designed & hosted by Cyberfrog Design

Shopping cart

Shipping and discount codes are added at checkout.